The difference between discerning where a problem lies and blaming is that blaming comes from our emotions, specifically fear.
When we blame we are afraid of something, usually a loss of some kind. As a culture, we are in the habit of blaming. It comes up with us from childhood, usually because we have never been taught that there are options to blaming.
The problem with blame is that it makes us victims. Whenever we blame someone or something, we make ourselves a victim, and this happens because when we blame, we also give away our control.
If I say that I’m late but it isn’t my fault, the alarm clock didn’t go off, I’m making myself a victim of the alarm clock. A feeling of, it’s not my fault, is the clue that we have just laid blame. What has actually happened is that we are late. Blaming the alarm clock or the traffic does not change the fact that we’re late.
When we accept victimhood through blaming we are disempowering ourselves. Because blame is emotion-based, we then act out of our emotions and while emotions are a fine gift to humanity, they also colour the way we interpret events and situations. If you act out of emotion, you are acting out of an unbalanced view.
Act on the situation, the facts of a situation, not out of the emotion the situation might generate. Feel your emotions, but act on facts.